Virtual friendship

 

I remember my father telling me stories about his friends, their fun days, the times when electronic gadgets were seen in science fiction movies. They used to spend time with each other gossiping, talking about almost everything, laughing together. There were few, but good friends. But now I am in 21st century, where electronics have invaded our lives and smart phones are an integral part of a daily routine.

Recently one of my friend told me that although he had some 800+ friends in his Facebook account but he knew half of them and met very few of them. He wasn't joking, he was serious. Still he is a face book addict, keeps his account logged in 24 X 7, replies to the messages instantly, posts every hour and likes almost post of other friends; with this he boasts that he is one social person.

Term 'being social' seems to be losing its original meaning, I guess.

When we talk about Face book and 'being connected' to friends, it's mostly virtual. No one analyses why they became friends; why did they not just meet and walk away, for instance? But when it comes to breaking a 'real' friendship, it is a conscious and often, traumatic process, depending on the length and depth of the relationship. Many friendships just wither and die with the passage of time, rather like the unused neural connections in the developing brain of a toddler. These are relationships that have outlived their significance and just melt away with no pain to either party. But they too have touched lives, they too have had their part to play. Since friendships are so important, should we select our friends carefully? Should we list our requirements mentally and try to find a match, like a matrimonial website? Of course not!

The charm of friendships is that they can come to life anytime, anywhere. Their strength is that there is no formula or template for them. Their beauty is that we cannot always tell why they flourish or survive. We have friends who share our ideas and friends who don’t. We have friends who like the same kinds of food or movies as we do and friends who don’t. We feel generous with some, jealous with others. With some we feel safe and comfortable; with others we feel energized and enthused; or at times we feel protective and tender. Each friendship is a unique relationship, and each makes different demands and offers different rewards. Not every friendship can be, or even should be, of the intense ‘Damon-and-Pythias kind’; just as not every friendship should be of the ‘Facebook kind’. In real life, one can’t just press a button to ‘like’ and another one to ‘unlike’. How can you be a ‘good’ friend? Of course by being considerate, unselfish, and empathetic and, even more importantly, by being non-judgmental. But these things don’t happen automatically, not even by pressing the ‘like’ button. You will have to travel inwards and discover where friendships belong in your values pyramid and what you will be willing to invest in them. By understanding ourselves and our values better, we can understand our friendships and their value better. After all, friendship should mean more than the casual click of a button.

 

It's the same scenario with most of us. We have hundreds of — some even have 1,000-plus — friends on social networking sites, but only a handful of 'real' ones. Real friends whom we hang out with, share personal details and spend quality time with. And yet, we keep chatting with our virtual friends on social networking sites almost on a daily basis, instead of nurturing real friendships.

Do virtual friends count?

People are happier and laugh 50% more when talking to a friend face-to-face. Also, people find that the most satisfying relationships are with a handful of close friends, with an 'outer ring' of 10 significant others.

"Social networking sites are the easiest way to keep in touch with those countless people, who we wouldn't be able to keep in touch with due to our busy lives. However, the 'emotional touch' cannot be easily replaced by internet chats, comments and posts." The real connection only clicks when we are able to experience that friendship in person, otherwise it's like experiencing a vacation through a virtual tour.

"It is also possible that most people who are comfortable making friends virtually do so because it gives them an option of avoiding face-to-face (FTF) contact with others. They are worried about negative conclusions being drawn about them in a FTF meeting where they will not be able to hide their drawbacks (awkward mannerisms, speech deficits, language difficulty, etc.). Typing online also gives people time to respond, which is a luxury we don't have in FTF communications. This lack of time also reveals our lack of wit and poise in FTF (which we do not want to be known)," A clinical psychologist explains.

Face-to-face interactions are more satisfying

According to the study, people are happier and laugh 50% more when talking face-to-face with friends or via webcam than when using social networking sites. Thomas explains, "The reason could be that human brain reads subliminal cues while interacting face-to-face, which go beyond the individual reading of gestures, facial expressions and words. This integration helps us to better understand what the others are saying or hiding."

Talking on phone/texting vs. sharing a smile

As research is illuminating the human social networks that have existed since time immemorial, a parallel thread of inquiry is exploring a new kind of social interaction: online friendship.

But because Facebook “friends” are often what we call “acquaintances” in the offline world, researchers had to find a way to weed through a Facebook user’s “friendships” to find the most meaningful relationships. They developed a concept they call the “picture friend”—someone with whom a subject has appeared in a photograph posted on Facebook. The definition of a picture friend also requires the subject to have “tagged” the photograph with the friend’s identity. This helps weed out group photographs in which not everybody knows each other, and indicates that the subject wishes the association with the tagged friend to be recognized.